The Invisible Struggle: Women with Adult ADHD
The Invisible Struggle: Why adhd in women looks different.
The average woman gets diagnosed with ADHD at age 38. When I first heard this stat I was mind blown. Picture this.. You go through childhood feeling a bit different. You may notice you are having bigger emotions than the people around you, are often daydreaming, and then you start to struggle with school. You may start to question why you can't seem to get good grades despite trying your best. Then, if you're lucky you might start college but you tend to struggle. You often get behind, miss deadlines and can't seem to stay focused during class. You think you might just have anxiety but something just doesn't feel right. Picture entering your 30’s and you start hearing more about adhd and it checks most of the boxes. You may feel constantly overwhelmed due to managing work responsibilities as well as raising a family. You might think to yourself “ something has to change”.
ADHD tends to look a LOT different in women than men. Women tend to struggle with what is called the inattentive type of adhd. This is when people aren't necessarily impulsive or hyper. Instead, inattentive people tend to struggle to pay attention when spoken to, misplace items like their phone or wallet and may daydream often. One reason it may be getting misdiagnosed is because its not as disruptive as the hyperactive type of adhd is. Another reason this type of adhd tends to go misdiagnosed is due to the societal expectations the world has of women. As women we are taught to stay quiet, not speak up much and to not have too many needs. Oftentimes women are going unnoticed with adhd because we may get good grades and our behaviors are not disruptive enough for the adults around us to question too much.
A big part of adhd is having struggles regulating one's emotions. This can manifest in a variety of ways. Women with adhd are more likely to develop other mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and OCD. Another part of ADHD that impacts women's emotions is called rejective sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). Essentially this is when someone struggles with criticism or rejection. Due to emotional regulation and being at high risk of mood disorders, women with adhd often develop issues with self esteem and their overall self confidence. This often manifests as questioning and doubting themselves and comparing to others.
As a therapist who specializes in adult adhd I believe the following can be helpful. First, a therapist who has specific training on adhd can be really helpful to teach you specific skills tailored to ADHD. They can help you learn various tools like self compassion and mindfulness skills, among others to help you manage symptoms and get to a place of empowerment. A therapist trained in IFS can also be helpful when you are wanting to address anxiety, shame and other strong emotions that often accompany ADHD. IFS therapy is a gentle approach that views the mind as made up of various parts. These parts can often develop in response to life experiences. It emphasizes healing and understanding these parts may be in control of your emotions and behaviors.
