Women with ADHD and Anxiety: A Cycle of Overwhelm

For many women living with adhd tends to feel like you can never tread above water. You’re always behind, struggling with disorganization and battling distraction. With anxiety on top of that the struggle to regulate your emotions and stay present can feel utterly exhausting. Anxiety often shows up for women as relentless what if thoughts, while ADHD brings constant forgetfulness, scattered focus and deep overwhelm. Struggling with anxiety and adhd can feel like a debilitating cycle that you can't escape. For a lot of women experiencing adhd and anxiety  are two deeply connected conditions. 

Understanding ADHD in Women 

For many women living with adhd can be a never ending cycle of emotional overwhelm, feeling scattered and difficulty feeling organized in various areas of their life. On the surface this might not sound too difficult to manage but for many women it can be debilitating. Imagine starting your day and already you can't find your keys, your dishes are still sitting out unwashed and you're running late for work. For many women with adhd this can become a normal routine due to time blindness and executive dysfunction issues. Women with adhd also often struggle in their relationships due to rejection sensitivity. This often looks like feeling easily misunderstood and an intense fear of rejection, criticism or abandonment. These feelings can often cause women too push away their loved ones or self sabotage in their relationships. 

Understanding Anxiety in Women 

Many women live with anxiety without even realizing it, because the constant overthinking, tension and people- pleasing can feel like just part of being responsible. Women with anxiety often have cultural expectations put on them which amplifies their symptoms of anxiety. Women are often expected to be agreeable, emotionally nurturing to others and adhere to beauty standards. This can be a lot of pressure for women which in turn can be leading to symptoms of anxiety such as deep overwhelm, constant worry and extreme restlessness. The expectations of women can also alter and shape their self esteem in a profoundly negative way. When you have been told throughout your life you must be adaptable, emotionally sound and have the perfect body it can be too much pressure to hold. 

How ADHD and Anxiety Intersect 

ADHD and anxiety can look very similar. Both often involve restlessness, difficulty with focusing and feelings of emotional overwhelm. More often than not, anxiety develops as a response when women are struggling to manage symptoms of ADHD. For example when you start missing deadlines, losing your keys for the 3rd time this week, or struggling to keep your house organized anxiety develops. Over time these adhd symptoms can lead to chronic worry, imaging the worst case scenario possible or even panic attacks. These experiences can lead to chronic thought patterns like “ What am I forgetting today” or “ Will I let my boss down again ?” This often creates a difficult feedback loop where adhd symptoms trigger anxiety and anxiety makes adhd symptoms even more overwhelming. 

Rejection Sensitivity and how it triggers anxiety 

Rejection sensitivity is a common experience for many women with adhd. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) often shows up as an intense fear of criticism, disapproval or letting others down. Small misunderstanding- an unanswered text, a friend's brief tone, or a partner's low mood can feel visceral, overwhelming and deeply personal. These experiences often fuel anxiety, creating overwhelming worry about one's relationships, work related experiences, and overall belonging. The combination of adhd challenges and RDS’s emotional intensity often leads to women finding themselves stuck in cycles of overthinking, people pleasing or withdrawing from relationships due to worry and fear. Recognizing how rejection sensitivity and anxiety feed into each other is the first step toward breaking the cycle with self compassion and supportive tools. 

Unique Challenges for Women

Women are often socialized to appear to others as put together, agreeable, reliable, and emotionally balanced. Women often grow up feeling like they shouldn't have too many emotions and needs and if they do they may be rejected and seen as “ too much” by others and especially our male counterparts. When ADHD makes those expectations harder to meet, many women develop strategies that further mask their struggles- over preparing, over explaining themselves and pushing themselves to exhaustion and deep overwhelm. When women feel they have to mask their authentic self it can create a deep sense of anxiety. Anxiety often thrives in this kind of environment, feeding off of people pleasing and fearing of being different or too much. Unfortunately many women first get diagnosed with depression or anxiety, while their ADHD goes unnoticed and undiagnosed. The missed diagnosis delays proper support and can also cause deep feelings of overwhelm, shame, and not belonging. 

Tools for experiencing both anxiety and adhd

Having the right tools to navigate both anxiety and adhd is crucial to going from emotional overwhelm to a place of calm confidence. Nervous system tools such as deep breathing, grounding exercises or mindful stretching can help quiet your anxiety thoughts while increasing focus. Therapy approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS)  or somatic therapy can help you tune back into your body and calm anxious responses you are having. IFS in particular can help you heal unhelpful narratives you have developed about experiencing adhd and rejection sensitivity. IFS can also help you create a sense of calm through connecting your inner most connected and calm self. Daily practices and routines can also be helpful for women with adhd and anxiety 

Conclusion 

Understanding the connection between ADHD and anxiety is crucial to developing a deeper understanding of your brain and emotional health. Gaining a deeper understanding of this connection helps you bring compassion to the unique way your brain works. If you are a woman who resonates with both anxiety and adhd know that your struggles are not a reflection of your worth. With the right tools and perspective its possible to break free from the never ending cyle and move towards a place of clarity, authenticity and calm.